


Can't Go Back

by foreverfelicityqueen (orphan_account), stydiasredstring (orphan_account)



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, mention of stalia, mentions allison
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-25
Updated: 2014-07-25
Packaged: 2018-02-10 08:10:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2017500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/foreverfelicityqueen, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/stydiasredstring
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He was worried about her. He should have seen the signs earlier. She slowly became more closed off, but he figured that was Lydia’s way of grieving."</p>
<p>Stiles finnaly sees right where he needs to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't Go Back

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for any and all feels this induces. That being said enjoy, let me know what you think. It is also unbeta-d because I'm too lazy to wait for one to beta it.

Can’t Go Back

He was worried about her. He should have seen the signs earlier. She slowly became more closed off, but he figured that was Lydia’s way of grieving. If anyone had the right to their pain it was her. Then other things began to change. Lydia began infusing more neutral tones into her wardrobe, opting for boots instead of her wedges most days. He wasn’t a fashion expert, but it seemed to Stiles that every time Lydia dressed like that she was more off than usual. Almost like she was trying to be someone else.

But again it took him far too long to notice. He was ashamed by it. Next to Scott Lydia was his best friend, and he had loved her longer than he ever thought possible. How could he miss her downward spiral? How could he have not seen her smile growing dimmer every day, until it was hardly present at all?

He knew the reason. And that sent another wave of guilt coursing through him. Malia was great, in her own way. And he enjoyed their time together, really. But she wasn’t Lydia. And on some level Stiles was certain his lack of acknowledgment about Lydia’s current emotional state was a direct correlation to his relationship status.

He felt like scum, especially after his talk with Malia. The one that took an hour to explain why he thought they should break up, and another twenty minutes to get her to calm down.

Now he was at her door waiting for someone to answer. Lydia hadn’t been in school most of the week, and as today loomed closer he knew the chances of her showing up would be slim.

“Hello Stiles,” Mrs. Martin greeted, as she opened the door with a smile. “Maybe you can get her out of her room. I’ve barely seen her in days.”

He nodded, sucking in a breath. “It’s Allison's birthday, I suspect that has a lot to do with it.”

Understanding dawned on her face as she motioned him inside. “You can go on up. I’m sure she needs a friend.”

He gave a weak smile, not trusting his words. Could he even still be considered her friend? Of course Lydia would always be one of his best, but didn’t he abandon her in favor of someone willing to kiss him without an excuse? But he climbed the stairs anyway. He had to make things right, had to help her anyway he could. He needed to be there for her, just like she’d always been for him.

Her door was closed when he reached the top of the stairs and suddenly the nerves swelled in him.  He still had time to leave.  She hadn’t seen him yet. A part of him wanted to run and find a way to turn back time, back before Allison and demonic possessions, emotional tethers and werewolves. Back when he was a nobody and his only friend was an asthmatic, lovable dork.

 But he can’t go back, no matter how much pain it would erase. So instead he raised his fist, knocking.

“Mom, I’m studying,” he heard Lydia call back. But Stiles knew Lydia well enough to know that was not her studying voice, so he knocked again.

He could hear he groan. “I said I’m studying… naked.”

“Wow Lyds, you sure know how to pique a guy’s interest.”

He waited for her to open the door, rocking back and forth on his heels. It swung open, revealing Lydia, hair pulled back in a messy bun, not a wisp of makeup, yoga pants, and a tee shirt he was 90% sure was his. Even if he hadn’t the slightest clue how she got it.

“You’re at my house,” she stated, arms crossed.

“No wonder you’re the top of the class.” Stiles teased as she moved letting him in. “So how are you?”

“Sick, figured it was best to take the week off and rest,” her quick reply sounded rehearsed. And Stiles was well versed enough to know a lie when he heard one.  “What are you doing here?”

He smirked with a raised brow. “Well I wanted to bring you the homework assignments.”

“Kira texted me those.”

“Oh,” he nodded, feeling the tension build between them. “Well how about notes, can’t have too many notes. Right?”

She eyed him with a sad smile. “Stiles, why are you really here?”

He leaned against her dresser, surveying the room. Things had changed from the last time he was here, just as much as she had changed.

“I brought you something,” he replied reaching into his backpack, taking out a small white box. “I know these last few months have been, well hard. And I thought you could use a friend today.”

“What about Malia?” she asked not meeting his eyes. He could see it though, the tears burning at the edge of her vision. “I figured you two spent all your free time together.”

The bite in her tone stung, but he deserved it. Lydia moved from the doorway, taking a seat at her vanity. He couldn’t help but follow, sitting behind her on the edge of the bed.

He caught her eyes in the reflection, flickering sadness, she fought to conceal. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have a reason to be sorry,” she whispered turning to face him. “It’s not a big deal.”

“It is though.” He reached his hand out for hers, pleased when she didn’t pull away. “Lydia, I haven’t been the friend you deserve. You lost someone, someone who was as closer to you than anyone of us. And I guess it just felt easier, to tell myself you were okay. Even when I knew you weren’t.”

He turned her hand over placing the box in her palm. “I want you to have this.”

Lydia’s fingers curled around it with a raised brow. “A present?”

“I got it for Ally a couple months ago,” he shrugged, watching as Lydia’s breath seemed to catch in her throat. “I wasn’t even sure I’d give it to her, what with her and Scott being whatever the hell they were. I was cleaning out some stuff yesterday and found it.”

“Coincidental timing, huh?”

“I don’t think I believe in coincidence’s anymore.”

She pressed her lips together as she met his eyes. “Are you saying something made you clean to find it? What like fate or destiny?”

“Maybe Allison gave me a supernatural nudge from the other side,” he smirked until he saw Lydia’s head shake, squeezing her eyes until tears fell. “Lyds.”

“I know there’s so many things out there. Werewolves and kanimas. Kitsunes and darachs. But can we not sit here and pretend that Allison is in some peaceful afterlife where she can watch over us?”

“You don’t think she is?”

“I know she’s not,” Lydia stood moving across the space. “Because if she was…”

“You would have heard her by now?” Lydia froze, turning just slightly so he could see her face. “You’ve tried right? Plucked strings, gone through her iPod? Knocked on walls? Whatever else you could possibly think of that might give you the slightly hint of her voice?”

Stiles stood, coming to stand just behind her. Lydia leaned back, like she knew he’d be right there, his arms wrapping around her. “She’s gone. I know that, I just thought, maybe I’d hear something. Anything to know she’s okay.”

“Maybe not hearing anything is better,” he shrugged, placing a kiss to the side of her forehead. “If you could hear her, I don’t think that’d be a good thing. Banshee’s only get voices when it comes to death right? Maybe it’s better she’s not reaching out.”

“It still hurts,” Lydia pulled from his embrace, shaking her head. “I should open this though right?”

“You don’t have too now,” he waved it off scratching the back of his head. “I just thought maybe you’d want something to remind you of her. Especially on her birthday.”

Lydia didn’t listen as she slipped the lip of the box off, staring down at the delicate silver bow and arrow, on an equally simple chain. Her fingers ran across the cool metal, but Stiles couldn’t quite make out her emotions.

“I know it’s not much, you probably have a thousand pieces way better than this, but I—”

Lydia surged forward pressing her lips to his. It only took a second for Stiles to respond, bringing a hand to her cheek, as he wrapped the other arm around her, pulling her close.

She had to stand on her toes to push herself closer, his arm the only thing keeping her completely balanced, and she can’t help but smile, really smile. He matched it, probably the first real one they’ve shared in months.

Lydia pulled back and her absence cooled him, making him wish the warmth would return.

“We can’t do this,” she shook her head, biting her lip. “I can’t do that to Malia, I’m not that person anymore.”

He smoothed the hair from her face his knuckle dragging along her cheek. “We’re not together anymore.”

“What?”

“Malia and I, we broke up this morning.” He sighed, trying to regain his thoughts. Staring at Lydia had a tendency to derail them.

“I thought you guys were happy.”

“We were, and Malia’s sweet, but,” he stopped tilting her chin so their eyes met. “Lyds she’ll never be what I want, because she can never be you. I love you, and I can’t just turn that off. Not anymore.”

“Some things you can’t go back to,” Lydia replied tears in her eyes again. He hated seeing her cry, no matter how beautiful she was. “Even if both people want too.”

“I don’t want to go back,” he pulled her close again, his lips nearly touching hers. “I want to go forward, with you. It’s always been you, Lydia. No one else.”

He kissed her again. And this time it was Lydia who was taken by surprise. Because Stiles wanted her to know, needed her to understand, that she was the only person he ever wanted to kiss like that.

When they pulled apart she smiled, rolling her eyes. “I think you’re right.”

“Most likely,” he mused happily, earning him a slap on the arm. “About what?”

“Allison sent you here today,” Lydia noted with a confident smile. “She’s been rooting for this for a long while.”

Stiles glanced around, feeling a bit like eyes were on him. “What you heard her?”

Lydia shook her head, and shrugged. “It’s more like wind. I can’t see her, but I can feel her. And she’s happy for us.”

Stiles leaned down capturing her lips again, a sensation he would never get tired of. “I plan on keeping you safe, and loved, for you, for me, and for Ally.”

“Good to know, because if anyone could find a way to kick your ass from beyond the grave it would be Allison.” She joked, nudging him backward until he sat on her bed. “And P.S. I love you too.”

“I didn’t say it just so you would.”

“I know,” she smiled taking a seat on his lap. “But this moving forward thing only works if we’re both honest. And I need you to know how much you mean to me.”

Lydia pulled the necklace from the box, handing it to him. “You mind doing the honors?”

“Sure, on one condition.”

“And that is?”

“Will you be my girlfriend?” He asked with a smirk.

She rolled her eyes grinning back at him. “It’s good to know I’m now dating a complete dork.”

“Hey, you knew that before we started dating, and you fell for me anyway.”

“Yes I did.” She gave him quick kiss. “So yes I will be your girlfriend. Now put it on me.”

He undid the clasp watching as she swept the hair from her neck, as he placed the necklace around her.

“How does it look?”

He couldn’t help but smile. “Perfect.”

 


End file.
